emotional ups and downs of a management student (unedited)

College in general has been a tumultuous journey, and it's when you're at the middle of all the strokes of hits and punches that you just want to stop, breathe and contemplate on what's been happening-- retrospectively assessing the two or three years that have gone, and figuring out what to do next and if continuing to walk on the path you chose is still worth the adventure. I've been having my share of this bustle.

Upon browsing a tedious required reading I have for my subject Sociology and Anthropology two nights before a long exam, I've finally found the right words that fit what I feel about my course, BS Management.

"...labor is not the satisfaction of a need; it is merely a means to satisfy needs external to it."
Thank you, Karl Marx, for giving me this sentence without having to kill a brain cell. :)

Why did I choose Management in the first place?

Due to the lack of curricula I knew when I was in high school, those that I chose when I took the test in Ateneo, UP and La Salle (I got an exam permit for UST, but I ditched it. :\) just revolved around legal management, business management, accountancy and psychology. I never knew what management engineering, communications and technology, literature or even pharmacy was. My last year in high school was just too dramatic that planning for college was forgotten. I was torn between management and legal management, but I thought I was mentally unprepared for the demands of a pre-law course (although it was my first-choice-turned-second-choice-at-the-last-minute-of-filling-up-the-ACET-form).

I also found my comfort zone in Math. Relying on hearsays, I thought I'd excel in management which they said is conducive for number lovers.

What were the other courses I initially wanted, but didn't consider it on a serious level?

Culinary Arts was an ambition. I never had the love for food, until Chef See of Enderun Colleges made his talk on one of our career orientations before entering college. I was amazed with the photos of different cuisines, and the lush bouncing (with some splash of water droplets) strawberries on his video presentation are still clear in memory. =P~

Something like this, although this certainly does NOT justify the unreal strawberries on the video. :)) :P

But it had to remain a dream when I thought I could not afford letting go of a bigger dream, studying in Ateneo. I thought it wasn't worth the opportunity cost to exchange my Ateneo dreams for something else. I will never ever regret studying in Ateneo, but the course I took is always being put to question.

My Dreams Now
Finally, I've narrowed down my dream careers to two: to be a Businessman or a Professor. Sometimes, I also consider being a chef or a photographer or a choreographer (an abandoned talent). But the emotional turmoil isn't just brought about by the multiple careers I dream of; it was also a shift in interests while in college.

I've blogged before about my sudden interest in poetry and literature, those which I get dizzy when I think of back when I was in high school. I blame this shift in interest to my BOMBASTIC humanities professors in Ateneo. It's true that they are probably the greatest assets of the institution, and I am a witness to it (and a victim of their wrath) firsthand. I now kinda lost the magical climax with numbers and have constantly tried improving and exposing myself to literature.

But the biggest delusion I am having is the thought that I can be a successful businessman, professor, chef, choreographer and photographer ALL at the same time.


Not that I'm doubting my skills and capabilities, but I know how hard it takes to study and be the best at just one of those four.

I often think that culinary arts and photography can remain an extra-curricular, that I can have them as side dishes, that it wouldn't demand too much cognition to understand everything about it, that I can study these while I am in ateneo, pursuing a money-making career. And after having a good job and earn money, then I can do whatever I want. No money, no honey, but will I be happy with my Job?

I now feel exactly how the statement explains it-- that labor without passion in it is just a way to fulfill another appetite external to it. I hear myself a lot of times saying the statement "Magpapayaman na lang ako, tapos saka ako magcuCulinary Arts, magphoPhotography, magsasayaw at kung anu-ano pa. Para may pang gastos ako sa kahit anong gusto kong gawin." It's often the reality I face as a management student, especially when facing all these majors-- accounting, statistics, economics,etc-- which require little or no creativity. It's sad when I think about it, but is it too late to change my career?

Too late or not, I don't have plans on changing my course. First, setting aside the efforts I will put to waste, I definitely don't want to waste my parents' money. Second, I don't consider only the self-pleasure from the career I choose; I want my family, present and future, to also have the comfortable life I experienced. And third, I still believe that I can still find my niche in a corporation-- probably a marketing or external relations manager while to still be able to fulfill my other dream careers (or maybe activities is a better word). Maybe I haven't experienced yet the perks or the fun in managing a business, and I know, I'll still be able to find the fun in it. As for my other dream jobs, they can wait. ;)

Although sometimes in doubt that I won't be able to learn much about it after 20 years old, I believe that I still can learn Photography and Culinary Arts even after being bombarded with balance sheets and graphs. If I can survive Management in Ateneo (with flying colors), why can't I survive these other interests that I am more than willing to learn? Being a poet or a writer is, of course, out of the question (because my brain still cannot handle such job. I have the hugest respect for writers). Maybe, the sad reality of office work is only a portion of a bigger and better reality of sacrificing creativity to have a good life. Maybe, i am just disenchanted by the "fun" side of culinary arts or photography and the like. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe...

These maybe's will continue to make life a lot exciting. Luckily, I can still cope up with the thrill of school and am still able to dodge and stomach the punches. Soon, I'll be able to answer these maybe's. But for now, I'll continue with what I have, and make the best out of it. ;)

Lucky Day!

NOT. This has got to be one of my most unfortunate days ever.

I've been justifying since the moment I woke up that this day is a reminder from God that not everything goes the way I want it to be. Or maybe it's a calling that I've been blessed so much already that it needs to be counteracted by some unfortunate events. Baka masyado nang maraming magandang pangyayari saken. Give chance to others daw.

On a serious note, this day wasn't good to me. To start things off, I missed my first class (7:30am) where I had prepared for a long test. It was 2am when I slept last night, and add to that were two other consecutive all-nighters for other exams. Because I planned my "sleep" to just be a "nap," I set my alarm at 3:30am, and forgot to remind my yayas to wake me up at 5:30am just in case. Unfortunately (i think this will be the magic word for this post), I overslept and woke up at 7:40am. Did I cry? Of course not... :-"

I missed the long exam which I hoped would compensate for my missed quiz when I went to HK. But then again, it didn't go according to plan.

I also missed my "prayer session" for the second class, theology. I was assigned to lead the prayer today and "magis"-ly prepared for a music video and a poem. Maybe magis-ing isn't such a good idea if you do it every night. :|

And add to the injury (literally) was our supposedly fun and unwinding badminton session after all the frustrations I/we have gone through. And because we were in career mode while playing, we would literally do anything to win the game, thus empowered by the idiom "break a leg." AND I DID!

There was a premonition though. As I climb the stairs while drinking, I missed a step. There were some people who saw my clumsiness. Itinawa ko na lang habang tumakbo palayo. :))

I sprained my ankle, tore a ligament within that area. It happened when I ran for a drop shot (thanks to chuck tibayan) and had to make a sudden halt. Yes, I was able to get the drop shot (FTW!) but UNFORTUNATELY, my ankle twisted and it made the "CRRRRRCK" sound. First thought that came to my mind? "Asan yung paa ko?!" hahahaha. Out of fear, I refused looking at my foot, thinking the ankle is still twisted and it has not yet come back to its normal position, or that my detached foot is lying somewhere on the court. It was my first time to experience an injury (that does not involve bloodshed).

On a brighter note, it happened during our last set of the game, when the score was 19-15 in favor of us, and two minutes remain before our court reservation ends. And bang, it was a smashing end. I wanted an encore... KNOCK ON STURDY WOOD.

Maybe the best way to deal with it is to laugh at my whole lucky day instead of ranting and do tantrums over it. When the P.T. even asked me to walk four steps to make sure that it's not critical, I did my runway walk. B-) Now, I've broken my vow that I would allow any leg injury if and only if it was due to dancing. But at least, natupad ang pangarap ko... Makakagamit na rin ako sa wakas ng saklay!

Temporary Shutdown

School has been so laborious that I'm finding it hard to keep up with my blog. The stress never ends, schoolwork after schoolwork. I've been keeping records of my thoughts in my phone for future blogging ideas. I just want to make sure that my brain farts are still retrievable in case I'm in the mood to write on my cyber journal. But for the remaining school days, I foresee stagnation of my blog.

Although stressful, school has never been this philosophical. I often get orgasms from mental masturbations. My subjects have been so informative with these brain-wrecking ideologies that clash with each other. Makes you want to tag all your professors along with you and let them explain to each other those intersecting, overlapping (and most often radical) ideas they've been teaching us.

I love going to school. I love learning and knowing there is more to learn.

But I want to rest sleep and eat without any worries. HAKUNA MATATA: i hope this philosophy still exists. :\

And if ever I push through with my plans of going for the Junior Term Abroad, it won't get any better for me for the next 14-15 months. Iisipin ko na lang... Ham yan. :\

Starter Songs of 2011

Only three weeks has passed for 2011 and a lot of new songs have been playing on the radio. I've heard a handful new and in-demand songs on the radio a week ago in just a day or two. It's exacerbating my expectations for songs of 2011!

Props to Britney, she's been in and out of the limelight, yet when she does get in it, it's a walk in the park. If I am not mistaken, this song, during its release, shot up to first place on the billboard hot 100 without any MV for the song yet. People have been downloading it and requesting for it on radios. They love her this much, and even though I am not a big fan, I was unable to escape the catching power of the song.





I honestly missed Avril's distinct voice. I felt bad for her OST for Alice in Wonderland. I guess this song represents her personality, since she admitted that she's more of a girly girl than a rocker chick. But isn't it all too juvenile for her age? I (and my sister) have noticed that ever since her divorce, her songs have turned to being jolly and carefree. It's still Avril, and I would still love to listen to her songs, but I kinda miss her songs like I'm with you or Complicated especially when she plays it acoustic.

Rihanna, kaya ka nabubugbog ng syota mo eh... :)) This song isn't new, but it aired just this year on radios, although I've heard this on TV. A cable channel (not sure if Starworld, Lifestyle Channel or Velvet) uses this on its channel commercial. It's part of her 2010 album Loud. But you see its resemblance to Love the Way You Lie? hahaha. But honestly, it's the most catchy song among the three. I imagine hearing it play on fashion shows, or clubs and everyone's on their feet. \:D/ And I relate to her fetish... Chains and whips excite me. :>:> hahaha kidding.

This one I heard on Youtube, when one of my friends posted this on Twitter. It's an undone song plus it's a remix, BUT I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE RELEASE OF THE SONG! :| I've been missing Lady Gaga for the longest time, PLUS, I took for foreign languages class Deutsch. Ich verstehe nur ein bisschen Deutsch, aber meine Schwester spricht gut Deutsch (i hope i got that right.). It excites me more that I get to sing German lines from a song without having to sing a German song!!! Haha. And Scheiße simply means crap. :D

There are other songs this year such as Daydreamer (where in the middle of the song it becomes electronified. Totally ruins the song for me), and Nothing by The Script (my favorite so far) that easily catch listener's attention. I'm hoping for a good year for the music industry this 2011. \:D/ it's all hyped up now.

Intermission (from studying)

I noticed how many of my "friends" on Facebook love ranting online, purging emotional baggage and throwing them to their cyber bin, most of which are school-related. It's pretty much obvious for my college (and sometimes high school) friends to rant about the difficulty of studying, especially that most of them come from the better schools.

It seems to me now that Facebook is more than a social networking site for most of us. Our personal use of it has turned it into a luggage of frustrations, a cockfight-catfight arena, et cetera, et cetera... et cetera. :|

Kesyo napakaraming gagawin, napakahirap ng subjects na tinetake, papers, quizzes, midterms, exams... These are understatements, let alone the @$&#*($#( and the notorious usage of !!!!!!!! and evolution of emoticons for frustrations.

Do people satisfy themselves by clamoring about all these online?
Some might say, magtrabaho ka nalang kesa mag-inarte/magdabog/ngumawa ka diyan, but many people work better after they blab. It's their way of catharsis, something similar to what I ironically am doing right now.

Do they intend to inform people of how much stuff they have to do to brag?

Or is it their way of looking for sympathy from other people who might be in the same situation as theirs?

I know some people who go to class, rave about how they did nothing but watch TV at home and Facebook (as a verb), but have these piles of index cards with notes on them. Is it their way of exaggerating agony to justify their failure, or better yet, underscore their success?

Sometimes, the optimistic outlook in dealing with these problems and putting it in writing can be other people's inspiration.

I've been through this stage. I am FULLY guilty of such blabbering. But I'm gradually graduating from it. Not that it's bad, but habitual ranting can piss other people off.

It's not that I start to realize how intelligent or blessed with sagacity I am (although... hehe, a bit) because definitely, I'm not the brightest of the bright. Maybe it's more of realizing how blessed I am with the good attitude in dealing with troubles. What you think is colossal can be a mere insignificant task.

TINK PASITIB!! :> Ranting is good. Letting it out is helpful. But to be clouded with so many negativities can be suffocating.

Literary Hiatus

I've been craving for some literary consumption for the past few days, but my schedule won't allow me. I seem to be having some sort of practical atheism, but inclined to the literary aspect. Suspending all the movies and books on my list because "more important" readings have to be accomplished for school purposes...

What if I shift to BA Literature? I get to do what I want and what I need at the same time.

But I "was" more of a walking Abacus than an Encyclopedia. That I finally found chemistry with literature is a mixture of accomplishment and frustration; it was only during college that I had enthusiasm for literary writings-- a late bloomer perhaps? It's the feeling of "you can't teach old dogs AMAZING new tricks" because I'm not too old, but I'm also not as young as when others had that hook on lit.

I'm torn between being a wealthy businessman and being a scholar. It's a clash between what I think I am good at, and what I think will feed my inner appetite.

What to do what to do what to do? Definitely, shifting is out of the question. I love my course, and I have to admit to myself that manipulating numbers is still my forte (or maybe I'm just having that "big fish in a small pond" kind of thing) over manipulating words.

I guess I'd have to be filthy richer sooner or later, and be successful with whatever I am good at.
Rationalization: I'll use my mathematical talent to give me the opportunity to feed my literary urge! :>

I'm still bano at lit. I guess I'd have to settle to just being a lit aficionado and stop daydreaming of becoming a literary scholar.

Paris and Nicole's Creation Story

Disclaimer: I do not mean to insult anyone or miscommunicate the Bible's preachings. This is purely fictional, and merely a sudden spurt of imagination.


This morning, we were asked to discuss among groups the literal sense and interpretation of the first four chapters of Genesis: The creation story up until Cain and Abel's story. I was lucky enough to have group mates who have active imaginations, and most importantly, who could tolerate mine (haha). After a long and fun discussion of the literal (let me reiterate that) meaning of the two existing creation stories, we had "FUN" talking about the creation and the fall of man.

Our thoughts led to man's naivety, the possible absolute senselessness of good and evil from the beginning or merely having some sense of it but insufficient if we look back at them as if they were unrefined. Then the thought of "were they like blondes?" prompted my contemplation on the Creation Story, Paris and Nicole version (also with the help of my group mates. Thank you Lamberto Lauengco, Aldrin Perez, Justine Sanchez and Chuck Tibayan).

(And again, I don't mean this to be offensive.)


What if Paris and Nicole were the first bff's made on earth?
Whoever was the first one, either way, God would've found it easy to take out a rib from their body.

What could possibly be their reaction when...
They saw each other after creation?
-"Wow, so you're like, a copycat of me? you're the first one i saw today. That's hot"


They talked to the serpent?
-"So you, like, talk like this to everyone else? That's hot"
-"Can you be my pet? like, i'm gonna name you Tinkerbell. Ooooh that's hot"

They saw the fruit of knowledge of  good and bad?
-"Isn't that like, the apple that we ate a while ago? That's hot"


They realized they were naked?
-"Were you naked the whole time we were together? That's hot"


God made leather garments, with which he clothed them?
-"That's hot"


But what could've happened if they ate the fruit of knowledge of good and bad? I think we wouldn't have had to suffer the consequences.

Paris: "But Gooood, we didn't 'eat' eat it. We like, threw it up after we ate it. What's that term again, Nicole? Bulimic? So yeah."
Nicole: "I think I'm gonna throw up already, Paris"
Paris: (we all know what she's gonna say)

How could they possibly procreate?
Let's not go there, shall we?


Soooo... Bulimia could've had its perks, right? :)) I'm sorry, I know it may be offensive or not even funny AT ALL for others. But as they say, when thoughts come about, put it in writing before they flee your minds.

And for everyone who has not yet read the bible or thinks that they know every detail on the bible, try rereading it, now that I know most of us can read it above its literal level. It's Hot. ;)