What are the Rules of attraction anyway? The book summarized these rules into five general elements. Probably a lot of you might want to add to it, but the book states only five. :\
1.Physical attractiveness - i know, i know... IT HURTS. hahaha. whether we like it or not, physical attributes of a person really can be a basis of attraction. Remember, attraction is different from love, and as the book says, "physical beauty is one of the main factors that influence people's choices for selecting people they want to know better ALTHOUGH other factors may become more important in the later stages of relationship." So for those who feel that they have already failed to abide by the rules of attraction even just at the start of it, don't lose hope. :>
In the modern social context, physicality is given so much value that more often than not, everything revolves around beauty already, and we're all victims of this supposedly-just-an-aspect-turned-to-whole of a person's being. It becomes the basis of so many things. Societal pressure caused by the conventional standards of beauty presented to us by the media is inevitable Even job-related issues such as employee selection or job promotions (yes, height of managers is often considered in job promotions) are greatly influenced by physicality. Attraction cannot escape this pit as well. There is nothing bad about being physically attracted (and definitely nothing bad about being physically attractive). It just turns out to be quite evil when all you consider is looks.
2.Proximity (Close to you) - "refers to being physically near to someone else." who doesn't want this anyway? Being close to your liked one allows you more time with them, the feeling of safety and comfort, and of course... :> this is the reason why I applaud those couples who enter long distance relationships and can withstand the physical absence of their partner. As what the book says, the "it grew on me" phrase often refers to this. Having someone around you is one best enforcer for you to start getting attracted to a person.
3-4.Birds of a feather - Similarity/ When opposites attract - "People tend to like being around others who are similar to them in some way." Some of you may react that no, opposites actually attract. But when it comes to attitudes, beliefs and interests, it is the similarities that bind you closer. There are exceptions such as opposing attitudes that are complementary. It is when you see a trait of another person that you don't see in you, and it attracts you, but once you go deeper into knowing each other, it's the similarities that make it work out in the long run. "It is similarity, not complementarity, that draws people together and helps them stay together."
5.Reciprocity of Liking - this, for me, is the most essential part of getting attracted. It makes everything easier-- from the getting-to-know-each-other part up to having a formal commitment. Reciprocity allows interaction between two people. Whether through words or actions, reciprocity is like the fuel that can make a relationship function perpetually. Reciprocity can also be the source of intimacy for some. There are people who only start liking someone who likes them first. It may sound wrong to like a person just because he/she likes you. But who knows? 'This could be the start of something new." ;)
Now that we talked about the Rules of Attraction, how about talking about LURVE. :3 haha.According to the dictionary, love is a strong affection for another person due to kinship, personal ties, sexual attraction, admiration or common interests. but we all know that there's love towards your family, your friends, and the romantic love.
So to help us classify this types of love, Robert Sternberg created a theory based on three main components of love. And with these three components, one or a mixture of two or three of them pertains to one type of love.
Three components of love - Sternberg determined these three basic elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacy is the feeling of closeness to a person. When we say closeness, it is the psychological thought of being close to a person and not physical closeness. "Friends can have an intimate relationship when they enjoy the presence of the other person." It's a common knowledge that when you say you have an intimate relationship with someone, there's malice already. But i guess that shouldn't be the case.
Passion on the other hand is the physical aspect of love. And yes, you can insert malice here. :> it's the "emotional and sexual arousal" towards another person. This means that intimacy can be the main element towards passion, and romantic love is the combination of intimacy and passion. Well, you dont have sex with you friends or family members, don't you? :| It isn't just sex that's under passion; Hugs (there are exceptions), holding hands, and ogling can be a form of passion.
Commitment now here's where almost everyone nowadays are having difficulties with. But this is like the elastic band around the elements of love. This is where trust starts to be an essential part of love. And as the book tries to point out, "A short-term decision might be, 'i think i'm in love'" and the long-term would be "I want to be with this person for the rest of my life." Commitment for me draws the line between friendships and romantic relationships. Now I don't do 'friends with benefits,' but when you see later the triangle of love, you may actually classify friends with benefits under one of the kinds of love (sad to say, it is a type of love. :\)
Seeeeee! passion and intimacy without commitment is even called ROMANTIC LOVE!! well, holding hands with someone isn't that bad. it's just the sexual intercourse aspect of passion that makes me against it. and as much as i want to argue with this, i couldn't. :\ well, there goes the triangle of love. I guess you can explain each of those by yourselves already. Sad empty love. :( For me, the most vital part in defining each type is how you define the components. Remember that intimacy can be for friendships, so there's technically nothing bad at liking a friend, right? and since now you're aware of this triangle of love, instead of saying "you never loved me," you might want to say to your ex partner "you never loved me CONSUMMATELY." :P
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